SOFTWARE TESTING JOKES: The following jokes related to software testing have been compiled from forwarded emails and internet resources. Thanks to the ones who thought of them first.
The Height Of A Flagpole
A group of managers were given the assignment of measuring the height of a flagpole. So they go out to the flagpole with ladders and tape measures and they’re struggling to get the correct measurement; dropping the tape measures and falling off the ladders.
A tester comes along and sees what they’re trying to do, walks over, pulls down the flagpole, lays it flat, measures it from end to end, gives the measurement to one of the managers and walks away.
After the tester is gone, one manager turns to another and laughs, “Isn’t that just like a tester? We’re looking for the height and he gives us the length.”
The Aviation Department had a unique device for testing the strength of windshields on airplanes. The device was a gun that launched a dead chicken at a plane’s windshield at approximately the speed the plane flies. The theory was that if the windshield does not crack from the impact of the chicken, it will survive a real collision with a bird during flight.
The Railroad Department heard of this device and decided to use it for testing a windshield on a locomotive they were developing.
So the Railroad Department borrowed the device, loaded a chicken and fired at the windshield of the locomotive. The chicken not only shattered the windshield but also went right through and made a hole on the back wall of the engine cab – the unscathed chicken’s head popping out of the hole. The Railroad Department was stunned and contacted the Aviation Department to recheck the test to see if everything was done correctly.
The Aviation Department reviewed the test thoroughly and sent a report. The report consisted of just one recommendation and it read “Use a thawed chicken.”
A Tester’s Courage
The Director of a software company proudly announced that a flight software developed by the company was installed in an airplane and the airlines was offering free first flights to the members of the company. “Who are interested?” the Director asked. Nobody came forward. Finally, one person volunteered. The brave Software Tester stated, “I will do it. I know that the airplane will not be able to take off.”
Question: How many testers does it take to change a light bulb?
Answer: None. Testers do not fix problems; they just find them.
Question: How many programmers does it take to change a light bulb?
Answer1: What’s the problem? The bulb at my desk works fine!
Answer2: None. That’s a hardware problem.
- To an optimist, the glass is half full.
- To a pessimist, the glass is half empty.
- To a good tester, the glass is twice as big as it needs to be.
To tell somebody that he is wrong is called criticism. To do so officially is called testing.
Sign On Testers’ Doors
Do not disturb. Already disturbed!
Developer: There is no I in TEAM
Tester: We cannot spell BUGS without U
There was a software tester who had an exceptional gift for finding bugs. After serving his company for many years, he happily retired. Several years later, the company contacted him regarding a bug in a multi-million-dollar application which no one in the company was able to reproduce. They tried for many days to replicate the bug but without success.
In desperation, they called on the retired software tester and after much persuasion he reluctantly took the challenge.
He came to the company and started studying the application. Within an hour, he provided the exact steps to reproduce the problem and left. The bug was then fixed.
Later, the company received a bill for $50,000 from the software tester for his service. The company was stunned with the exorbitant bill for such a short duration of service and demanded an itemized accounting of his charges.
The software tester responded with the itemization:
- Bug Report: $1
- Knowing where to look: $49,999
Two software testers went into a diner and ordered two drinks. Then they produced sandwiches from their briefcases and started to eat. The owner became quite concerned and marched over and told them, “You cannot eat your own sandwiches in here!”
The testers looked at each other, shrugged their shoulders and then exchanged sandwiches.
Signs That You’re Dating A Tester
- Your love letters get returned to you marked up with red ink, highlighting your grammar and spelling mistakes.
- When you tell him that you won’t change something he has asked you to change, he’ll offer to allow you two other flaws in exchange for correcting this one.
- When you ask him how you look in a dress, he’ll actually tell you.
- When you give him the “It’s not you, it’s me” breakup line, he’ll agree with you and give the specifics.
- He won’t help you change a broken light bulb because his job is simply to report and not to fix.
- He’ll keep bringing up old problems that you’ve since resolved just to make sure that they’re truly gone.
- In the bedroom, he keeps “probing” the incorrect “inputs”.
Who Is Who
- A Project Manager is the one who thinks 9 women can deliver a baby in 1 month.
- An Onsite Coordinator is the one who thinks 1 woman can deliver 9 babies in 1 month.
- A Developer is the one who thinks it will take 18 months to deliver 1 baby.
- A Marketing Manager is the one who thinks he can deliver a baby even if no man and woman are available.
- A Client is the one who doesn’t know why he wants a baby.
- A Tester is the one who always tells his wife that this is not the right baby.
Some sample replies that you get from programmers when their programs do not work:
- “It works fine on MY computer”
- “It worked yesterday.”
- “It must be a hardware problem.”
- “What did you type in wrong to get it to crash?”
- “You must have the wrong version.”
- “Somebody must have changed my code.”
- “Why do you want to do it that way?”
- “I thought I fixed that.”
Assessment Of An Opera
A CEO of a software company was given a ticket for an opera. Since he was unable to go, he passed the invitation to the company’s Quality Assurance Manager.
The next morning, the CEO asked him how he enjoyed it, and he was handed a report, which read as follows:
For a considerable period, the oboe players had nothing to do. Their number should be reduced, and their work spread over the whole orchestra, thus avoiding peaks of inactivity. All twelve violins were playing identical notes. This seems unnecessary duplication, and the staff of this section should be drastically cut. If a large volume of sound is really required, this could be obtained through the use of an amplifier. Much effort was involved in playing the demi-semiquavers. This seems an excessive refinement, and it is recommended that all notes be rounded up to the nearest semiquaver. No useful purpose is served by repeating with horns the passage that has already been handled by the strings. If all such redundant passages were eliminated, the concert could be reduced from two hours to twenty minutes.
Under a streetlight, on a very dark night, a software tester was looking for a set of lost keys.
A policeman came by, asked him about the object of his search, and joined him to help. After the two had searched for some time, the policeman asked, “Are you sure you lost them here?”
“Oh, no,” said the software tester. “I lost the keys somewhere else.”
“Then why are you looking for them over here?” the policeman asked.
“Because this is where the light is!” the software tester replied.
Moral: Do not be so stupid that you search for bugs only at the obvious places.
A person with a developer background was hired as a software tester and assigned to a Disney website project. On reviewing his test data for the login feature, it was found that he had “MickeyDonaldGoofyPluto” for the password field. Amused, his manager asked him why.
“It says the password needs to have at least four characters.” he replied.
- THE GAG TEST: Anything that makes you gag is spoiled.
- EGGS: When something starts pecking its way out of the shell, the egg is probably past its prime.
- DAIRY PRODUCTS: Milk is spoiled when it starts to look like yogurt. Yogurt is spoiled when it starts to look like cottage cheese. Cottage cheese is spoiled when it starts to look like regular cheese. Regular cheese is nothing but spoiled milk anyway and can’t get any more spoiled than it is already.
- MEAT: If opening the refrigerator door causes stray animals from a three-block radius to congregate outside your house, the meat is spoiled.
- BREAD: Fuzzy and hairy looking white or green growth areas are a good indication that your bread has turned into a pharmaceutical laboratory experiment.
- CANNED GOODS: Any canned goods that have become the size or shape of a softball should be disposed of.
- GENERAL RULE OF THUMB: Most food cannot be kept longer than the average life span of a hamster. Keep a hamster in or nearby your refrigerator to gauge this.
Tickle Me Toys
There is a factory that makes Tickle Me toys. The toy laughs when you tickle it under the arms.
Jane is hired at the factory and she reports for her first day promptly. The next day there is a knock at the Personnel Manager’s door. The Foreman throws open the door and begins to rant about the new employee. He complains that she is incredibly slow and the whole line is delayed, putting the entire production line behind schedule.
The Personnel Manager decides he should see this for himself, so the two men march down to the factory floor. When they get there the line is so backed up that there are Tickle Me toys all piling up. At the end of the line stands a nervous Jane surrounded by mountains of Tickle Me toys.
She has a roll of thread and a huge bag of small marbles. The two men watch in amazement as she cuts a little piece of thread, wraps it around two marbles and begins to carefully sew the little package between the toy’s legs.
The Personnel Manager bursts into laughter. After several minutes of hysterics he pulls himself together, approaches Jane and says “I’m sorry, Jane, but I think you misunderstood the instructions I gave you yesterday. Your job was to give the toys two test tickles each.”
Software Release Day
Damn! It’s a Software Release day on a Friday.
- Developers provide the ‘last’ build with the ‘fixes’ to 2 critical bugs.
- Testers run a smoke test and find that a major feature is missing. Normally, the build is not accepted if the smoke test fails, but they continue.
- It is found that one of the critical bugs is not fixed. Instead 3 more minor bugs have been introduced. ‘Luckily’, another critical bug is verified as fixed.
- There is no time for regression test.
- Developers want to go home but can’t.
- Testers want to go home but can’t.
- Developers argue that the 3 minor bugs are not bugs but enhancement requests and that the missing major feature will not be noticed by the end-users.
- Project Manager says that they will be mentioned as known issues but the critical bug needs to be fixed anyhow.
- Developers provide the ‘really last’ build with the fix for the critical bug and go home.
- Testers have no time to run smoke test or regression tests. They just verify the fix for the critical bug.
- An email is received from the Account Manager, “It’s about to be afternoon here and we promised the client a delivery this morning. Where is the release?”
- Testers ‘reluctantly’ sign-off the build and go home.
- Project Manager makes the release, deliberately missing the mentioning of the known issues.
- Guess what!
Morale-O-Meter of a Software Tester
A Software Tester’s morale is as stable as a wave in an ocean.
Tilt your head and see the happy person.
A sample day in the life of a software tester.
- 8:00 AM: Reach office; Smile at everyone; Finish morning office chores
- 9:00 AM: Test
- 10:00 AM: Draw cartoons during project meeting
- 11:00 AM: Test; Argue with ‘them’; Randomly click the mouse button multiple times
- 12:00 PM: Conduct Bland Taste at the canteen
- 1:00 PM: Test; Document; Test
- 2:00 PM: Doubt people’s commitment to quality; Get upset
- 3:00 PM: Test; Rest; Test
- 4:00 PM: Receive the so-called-final build; Curse for the delay; Conduct Sulk Test
- 5:00 PM: Test; Protest against the decision to make a release despite such poor quality
- 6:00 PM: Detest
- 7:00 PM: Leave office; Go home/bar
- 8:00 PM: Kill thousands in WoW/Get drunk
Sorry if we scared the newbies. Take it easy, folks.